Friendship? What is it?

The definition of friend certainly does change over time; at least it did for me. When I was young, I used to seek out friends who needed me. I had an insatiable need to please no matter how large the self sacrifice. The more I gave, the more I belonged to someone. But the truth is, the more I gave the less I had to give.

Over the years, I built my reputation on being strong, outspoken, and yes, giving. But what I learned after many draining years is that I don’t have to give my soul to feel good about myself anymore. I have accepted that what I am is good enough and what I have to give is proportional to what I need.

So, what does this all really mean…it means that I am finally comfortable choosing friends who give more than they take from me. Today proved to be a great example. I have been acquaintances with one of my Bat Mitzvah group members for almost two years. We’ve never spoken on the telephone, we’ve never sat down to eat a meal together, and I have never shared any significant life experiences with her that would develop our bond into a friendship. Yes, we did study together every Wednesday night for 18 months, but we were focused on the class and its meaning which left little time for us to be really anything more than acquaintances.

I always valued our time together. Melissa seemed like a genuinely kind and caring person who would be a good friend to anyone. She is smart and funny, loves her children and supports the causes that are important to her heart. I felt good around her whenever we were together.

I have seen Melissa a few times since our June Bat Mitzvah, but only for a few minutes here and there. But today, she showed me what true friendship is. Thursday of this week, I blogged about “Larry’s Ride,” a charity event that raises awareness for bicycle safety and honors my fallen cousin Larry Bensky. Unbeknownst to me, Melissa read my blog and came out today to show her support, she rode 42 miles, stopped at the sight of Larry’s accident which was marked by a bright orange pumpkin and hundreds of stones left by all the bikers today, and paused to say the Mourner’s Kaddish for my dear cousin and friend.

When I saw Melissa and learned of this kindness, I felt the meaning of true friendship. It was an unselfish display of affection for me, for my family and for the cause. Why did she do it? It doesn’t really matter why…what’s important is that her altruism and thoughtfulness showed me for the first time in a long time what true friendship should be. Thanks Melissa….for giving so unassumingly and unconditionally. It means a great deal to me.

Larry's Ride - A Cause Dear To My Heart

The purpose of this blog is to give me an outlet for what is going on in my life. A voice for what is in my heart. A place to share my life, my children and my family with people I care about. People I hope that will be affected as much as I am by the mundane and sometimes sublime events in my life. 

This weekend my cousin and close friend, Tammy Bensky, has organized the first annual bike ride for her husband, Larry, who was killed earlier this year in a tragic biking accident. Friends, family and the community have all rallied around Tammy and her little girls Gabi, 8 and Katelyn, 4 to honor Larry’s memory and to spread the word about bicycle safety. “Larry’s Ride” also benefits the scholarship fund for the children.

I hope that if you have a few hours to spare this Saturday, September 25, you will join Henry, Audrey, Stanley, Andy and I in the festivities from 11:30am to 3pm at Spring Meadow Farms.  You don’t have to participate in the biking (we are not), there will be a lot of fun things to do with the family – moon bounces, hay mazes, petting zoo and a bbq.

This cause is so dear to my heart that I wanted to share it with you. Hope to see you there! Thanks in advance for your support.

Fore more information: www.larrysride.com

Bird Man!

Never in a million years would I have imagined having a son that is so inspired, enraptured and captivated by birds. Where does this little boy come from?

Henry has been obsessed with birds since he was two years old. Their wings, their feathers, the way they fly, the way they sound...his interest NEVER ends. It amazes me how much his love of birds has taught him about life. Sometimes, I think I am talking to a philosopher wise beyond his years.

Yesterday, we visited a friend who has 12 chickens and I couldn't get Henry to leave. Take a look at my oh-so-handsome, incredibly sensitive, and loving Birdman!


Jenny

$3.52 of Alone Time!

Some people might think I have completely lost my mind when I spontaneously took my seven-year-old son Henry out to the 7-Eleven at 9:45pm at night on a school night. But what those naive onlookers don't release is that I promised my very sensitive, mommy-centered son "alone time" last week and completely forgot or hoped that Henry had. Apparently he didn't.

When I went to kiss Henry good night this evening, I noticed he was crying. Of course, I had no idea why until I serendipitously put my hand under his pillow as I went to comfort him and found a note. A hand written note from Henry that read, "2 days intil allon time." I was affected to say the very least. I felt so sad that my little boy had kept this reminder under his pillow with great anticipation and after days of patience, broke down in tears because Mommy had forgotten her promise.

Anyone who has multiple children knows that it is difficult to juggle the needs of each individual child. Giving equally doesn't always mean 10 minutes for each kid. My kids all need differently and it is my job to determine when and how long they need time alone with me. It can be a complicated and emotional tug-of-war trying to do right by my children, but I do the best I can. Tonight I found out how imperfect and tired I had become with the task.

I wiped Henry's tears away as the clock ticked past 9:45pm and said, "Let’s do it right now. Lets take that alone time together. It's not too late." He was surprised but happy. So off we went into the night, Henry in his pajamas, me with no makeup and a sports bra. We hopped into the car and hit one of our favorite places together. 24/7-Eleven. We split a DELICIOUS Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and he got a lemonade and glazed donut. That's right sugar...and more sugar at 10pm on a school night. But my son grinned with a knowing that he was special to mommy...he smiled knowing that he doesn't always have to share mommy with his siblings.

My son Henry is my heart. When I saw him in distress tonight, my heart weakened and when I saw him singing along with our favorite song on the radio while we drove home, my heart was filled with happiness. The moral...listen to your children...they need you sometimes when you least suspect it...surprise them with your ability to bend without breaking.

Happy Thoughts, my Henry. Sweet dreams!

Dieting Sucks!

Okay, there are a few goals that I'd like to reach before I turn 40 in four weeks. One, lose 10 pounds. Two, lose 10 pounds. And, three lose 10 pounds. It may sound like the easiest thing in the world to some, but it is one of the most difficult goals to achieve for me because I LOVE FOOD! Food is so amazing. I love the sweet, cold taste of a soda, the warm, hearty flavor of a pepperoni pizza and a rich, moist bite of Chili's Molten Chocolate Cake. How do people diet?

I joined Brick Bodies two weeks ago and I have been very faithful to my workout...but that is not the hard part. I have never been a fan of exercise but it is really the smallest battle in the fight against this weight. I run, I sweat, I lose 150 calories. Done. Fine.

Then the hard part begins. How little can I eat during the course of the day? What disgusting type of dietetic version of real food must I substitute today? How do I cut calories without starving to death? I guess I should stop complaining about it and realize that I am turning 40 and there are some facts that come with the territory. My metabolism is just slowing to a flicker and I have a history of diabetes, so I have to look forward and protect myself from whatever fate will through my way.

But, I am determined to lose those 10 pounds without sacrificing everything that I love. I will let you know how it goes. Happy Thoughts...

Love, Jenny

L'Shana Tova!

I have taken time in the last few days to really think about what the celebration of the New Year means to me. Everyone keeps asking me, "Why aren't you writing a New Year's blog?," but I just wasn't feeling the urge to share. I think the celebration of a new year is bittersweet because I have lost so many that I loved. Lost a mother, a father, a brother, a cousin, a mother-in-law, and though I know I have so much to be happy for, on these days of rememberance, I remember.

Sometimes memories get in the way of the happiness right in front of my own eyes. My children, my husband, my family and my friends remind me every day why I should go on with my life. I have a blessed life and I am grateful to God for all that he has given me. But somehow on these high holidays it doesn't remove or alter the sting of what used to be and the love I miss from all those who are not here to share in the celebration.

So, I remember, and I keep my head high for my children and for all the family and friends who look to me for love, friendship and a sense of community. I feel honored to live this cherished life and hope in the days ahead I will find a little more peace in knowing that what was lost is not forgotten and that one day I will celebrate with them again.

I wish all my dear friends and family a wonderful, happy, new year! Hold those you love tightly and make  the most of this New Year.

All my love,

Jenny

Happy Thoughts for the Weekend!

The Growing Dansickers

Today a very dear friend took the time to send me her “happy thoughts” and it made my day. The thought of my blog becoming a viral way to encourage people to remember the good in their lives is a very unexpected reward. In the spirit of good thoughts, I thought I would tell you a few “happy thoughts” of my own that happened this week:

1.    Stanley (my kindergartener) explained that he was very excited about learning computers at school. “It’s really cool mom, we learned how to play with the “rat” and it was a lot of fun.” Of course, “the rat” in actuality was “the mouse,” but my little boy reminded me that there are people out their in the world still seeing things for the very first time. I am getting older, but Stanley helps me to see things for the first time with every new experience.
2.    I got an email from a school parent who wanted to thank me because my daughter, Audrey, has been coaching her son every day this week. When Audrey’s classmate was sad and missing his mommy during the first week of school, Audrey comforted him by saying, “Don’t think about it. You will be okay…and you’ll see her later.” I felt proud that my daughter, who was nervous to return to school herself, summoned the courage to help another in need and with such ease. Audrey has always had this uncanny ability to dissuade her own fears by comforting those of another. It is one of her best qualities. I am so proud of you Auddie girl!
3.    Henry…Henry…now that’s a happy thought. Henry is such an easy kid and he is having a good second grade year so far. I served hot lunch for the first time this year and as I was sitting with Henry at the lunch table, I noticed an unfamiliar face starring at Henry and I. It was Henry’s new Hebrew teacher. I approached her and after knowing Henry just a few short days, she said to me, “He’s such a sweet little boy. Such a good boy.” I never get tired of hearing those words. Henry’s moral compass is permanently set for gentle and steady…he’ll make a very good husband one day…just like his daddy.

There you go… I did it!... a no-tear blog…so all of you complaining of needing tissues to read my stories…have faith…I am capable of delivering happy thoughts without tears.

Have a great weekend…and thanks for taking the time to read my “happy thoughts!”

Love, Jenny

Missin’ Marky…

I thought I would take a moment and remember my older brother Mark who would have been 49 today. He died of pneumonia and complications from a stroke three and half years ago. He was a quiet man who lived life simply. He loved his family and oddly enough QVC. When he passed away, we found all these Samari swords and nicknacks that he had secretly collected.

“Marky” never had children or ever married. He kept to himself for most of his life, but those who knew him found him amiable and always helpful. He was only 5’9 but he was the strongest person I have ever known. He moved me from dorm to dorm three times in college almost single handedly.

He made me smile and when I think of him today, I remember his laugh when I tickled him. Or even when I gave him a good punch in the arm. He was a good big brother to me…and I miss him being a part of my family of five…just four left…doesn’t quite feel the same without you. See you one day…love you, Jenny.