43 Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is my 43^rd birthday, and I am sitting on my porch at twilight thinking about my life and all that I have been through over the last four decades. I am sure that I could give you a riveting account of all the dysfunctional and heart wrenching moments that I have suffered, but as I sit on the porch of my very own home staring out into my beautiful backyard that has garnered so many wonderful memories, I feel inspired to tell you about where I am going instead of where I have been.

For the first time in my life, I don’t feel like a black cloud is chasing me. I wake up every day singing “good morning” to my three beautiful children, Henry, 10, Audrey, 9, and Stanley, 8. Henry is like a clone of me when I was young. He is shy and sensitive and growing into a caring, young man who is loved and respected by everyone who knows him. Audrey is a stronger, more intelligent version of who I am today. She is fierce, she is kind, she is everything I wish I could be. And Stanley is my steady, little devil, who excels at everything he sets his mind to, and the one that everyone wants to take home with them.

I think the most important part of my parenting strategy today is to make sure my children feel safe, secure and loved without over stimulating or holding them back. It’s important for me to trust myself and my decisions at this time in my life because my children depend on my stability. I feel like I am learning every day how to be a better parent and a better person. It’s not always easy and some days I do wish I had my mother to talk to. Sometimes, I do talk to her and her memory gives me the strength to get through the rough days. At 43, I feel like my children and I are in a great place and even though we are not married anymore, Andy and I have a good relationship as we try to co-parent our children with love and respect.

In addition to my children, I am grateful to my family and the community of friends that keep me sane. I feel blessed to have friends that hold me up when I need it. I have a job that makes me feel valued and volunteer commitments that make me feel fulfilled.

As I sit and look back on my life today, I feel strong and optimistic about my future. I have learned a few things along the way that help keep me grounded and focused on the positive:

* Don’t try to control the things you cannot control

* Parent the way I wanted to be parented with love, respect, and courage

* Love unconditionally and with great forgiveness

* Accept myself for who I am

* Find someone who loves me for me and brings out the best in me

* Surround myself with positivity

* Don’t look back, just keep moving forward

* Cruelness happens when people who love you are hurting. Forgive them and love yourself.

* Live by example for my children…do as I do

* Embrace life with all its twists and turns

* Divorce isn’t the end. It’s just a chance for a new beginning.

I want to thank all the people who love and support me throughout the year. I appreciate you being a part of my life. Until next year…happy thoughts….Jenny

The Chicken Blog-Week 1

People think I am crazy when I tell them that I just got 32 new baby chicks to raise in my garage for a local farm. I am newly divorced raising my three kids, Henry, 10, Audrey, 8 and Stanley, 7, working full time with a new, 9-month-old beagle puppy. My decision was a simple one. The Pearlstone Center wanted to replenish their stock, didn’t have the resources and asked me to do it. I felt honored to be the steward and my children have had a long history of helping out at the farm and raising our own chickens. It seemed like a natural fit.

We got the chickens on Thursday evening around 6pm. They were vibrant and varied and chirping with delight. Tucked away in the hand-built coop made by the Pearlstone in my garage, my children sat for hours caring for the newborn chicks. There was a joy in the eyes of my children as they saw all the new life flittering about. Each chick began to take on its own personality even in those first few moments. Like a newborn child, the chicks awakened hopes and dreams in my own children, and it was beautiful to watch it unfold.

As in life, there are always some hurdles which we face and learn to cope. Amid all the healthy chicks, stood one failing, without the ability to walk, drink or hold its head high. As an adult, I knew this one solitary chick would not survive the night, but my daughter held out hope. Audrey held the sick baby chick in her hand for almost two hours. Trying her best to nurse it back to life, she fed it and gave it water. After two hours, it was my turn to watch over my own chicks, so I called my children in for a quick dinner break. When my children returned to their new charges, sadly the sick, weak chick had passed away.

Audrey came to tell me the news. She was sad, she felt she had failed to save the one she loved so well for so many hours. I held Audrey and used the experience to teach her what I could about life and how unexpected, uncontrollable things sometimes happen, but no one is to blame. We move past the sad, difficult moments, but try to understand that we cannot control the things we cannot control. We must stay strong for the other 31 chicks that needed our help to survive. Audrey showed her resilience in those moments of understanding. And as her mother, I saw a strong, compassionate, deeply sensitive, yet mature little woman blossoming in front of my eyes. 

So when people ask me why I take these challenges on in my life, my answer: because it gives me a chance to watch my children grow in a way that gives me hope, courage and strength that they will survive a world that can be hard and beautiful all at the same time.

As the chickens grow, so will my children and their spirits. Until next week…happy thoughts…