Parenting 101 - The Indicator Light

If there is one thing I would wish for as a guide to raising my three children, it would be an indicator light that goes off when I am doing a good job parenting. We worry and we try to do what is best for our children, but seldom is there a clear sign that our efforts will pay off in happy, well-adjusted, independent children. Am I right?

Henry and his good friend Shoshi.

Most days I feel like I am walking blindly in a sea of expectation and doubt mostly self-inflicted. But there are moments, rare, but present moments, where I am caught off guard by the pleasure of watching my child unexpectedly fly off on his own.  Today I got a glimpse of who Henry is at his core and what I might be allowed to take some credit for in his journey to adulthood.

Backstory…Henry has always been a gentle giant with a very easy-going disposition that makes him last in every line, but first in everyone’s heart. He is an easy kid to love, but I often worry about his gentle nature living in a world where capitalism and aggression might swallow him whole. Still, I have always known that I can’t push my son to be anything other than what he is…a nice boy who cares for others naturally and without prompting.

Henry and Shoshi sharing a sweet little chicken moment.

So, last night I was watching all three of my children at ice skating practice through the plexi-glass panes as I do every week. Audrey always spinning and twirling in her own little Audrey world, Stanley always striving to be the best and the fastest...and Henry as usual listening attentively to the instructor and proceeding at his very own deliberate pace. All unique. All good.

As I stared through the glass, I notice a new girl on the ice, blonde hair, big blue eyes, maybe a year or two older than Henry, but only about an inch taller. I watched her make her way towards Henry, I noticed how her eyes shot up, than down, and up again, trying to get his attention. Then it happened…I watched my son include this new and slightly shy young girl into the class. Like others before her, she found a friend in Henry. A story I have been told by others, even teachers many times before, but this time, locked behind the glass partition, I watched and observed it for myself. With ease Henry engaged the girl on her terms and befriended her with such subtlety...making her instantly happy and comfortable. I felt proud to be his mother.

Though my parenting was not directly responsible for this moment, I felt a part of it and it gave me hope in my ability to nurture what is best in my son. A soft, compassionate, gentle soul, who listens, yet has the voice to capture the heart of a stranger. My job as his parent, I think, is to try to understand who Henry really is and encourage him to be the best person he can be without trying to change him into what we might want or expect him to be. I guess it's also important to be present in the lives of our children so when a moment like this does occur, it doesn't pass us buy.

Stay true to yourself Henry…and don’t bend to please anyone’s will to break you or disrupt you or even change you…you are a good boy, and I am so happy and proud to be your mommy.