Believe...Don't Control

Jan. 2011: Henry in his pajamas, black wig, red feathered boa and pink guitar.

Believe in your children while you fight the urge to save them from their own mistakes. That’s my epiphany of the week. Here is how I came to it....My son Henry is a lot like me when I was a child. He is gentle, quiet, and yet curious about life and the world around him. Sometimes I watch his innocence and wonder whether he will ever make it in this sometimes-challenging world.

Most recently, Henry was invited (by himself) to a birthday party at a local movie theater with nine other 8-year olds. I am not used to letting Henry do things on his own for two reasons: one, he is a momma’s boy who has never wanted to stray far from me. He is not the kind of child who asks to go on play dates at the homes of other little children. And to date, when asked to come to a friend’s house, it was always implied that I would be coming along as his security blanket.

And two, because I am an overprotective, controlling mother who believes it only takes one second to change my good fortune in life and have weighed every decision about my children’s comings and goings on that fact.

But, when Henry was asked to go on his own, I was of course, nervous for him and for me. I forced myself to believe in his ability and his confidence to make good choices. Of course, I called the mother of the party to instill the fear of death in her if anything should happen to my child while in her care, but for the most part, I challenged myself to believe.

Henry went without much ado while I waited nervously to see his handsome face. He was happy and confident that he had separated from me and enjoyed his independence with his friends. I told him how proud I was of his maturity to do things on his own. And I feel strongly that good parenting is the ability to believe in our children whether they are eight or 38 because they must experience the world to learn how to navigate it alone without us. I felt that we both learned a lesson about approaching how we live our lives.

I hope all three of my children know in time that my love will always support them wherever they go in life. But that when they are adults, my love should never be an excuse to hide from the important decisions in life – no matter how big or small – they must face those questions alone and hopefully with confidence. I want to believe in my children and help them make good choices with timely guidance, an open mind and a forgiving heart...and not by controlling every situation that arises from now until they are 18. God help me. I believe.