My Thoughts Are With Honey

A dear friend and special lady who is in the midst of watching her poor, dear mother slip away from this earth, asked me today, “I don’t know how you did it, Jenny.” And the answer after almost four years is…you just have to. Of course, I wanted to hold her tightly and prepare her for the storm ahead, but no one can prepare another for the loss of a mother.

Honey Lowenthal and her dear mother Frieda Epstein 2009.
Frieda passed away on Sunday, January 30, 2011.

When you lose your mom, you lose the safety net to your existence. There is no one in the world that can replace the love and unfaltering devotion of a mother who loves her child. We as mothers know the endless bond that evolves over years and years of memories. Those same memories are what haunts you every day you live apart from the loved ones you say ‘goodbye’ to throughout your life.

Today, my sorrowful friend said, “I feel like an orphan.” And I know exactly what she meant. When your parents die, that invisible shield that they provide disappears and for the first time in years…you realize you really are on your own. Even with a full life, filled with family, children and friends, you feel alone in a world where you have no one to call ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy.’ After all, we are first the children of our parents. It is a difficult relationship to let go of because it ultimately defines who we are and what we have become.

In the days ahead, my friend will need an army of loved ones around her to let her know that though her mother is at peace from this world, her friends and family can provide a comfortable, yet temporary replacement until she finds her new feet again. She will walk again. She will love again. She will feel joy again. Time will teach her that she can weather this horrendous change and experience new joys without the admiration and love of her parents watching over her. I know this…it is in us all.

Now is the time to comfort my weary friend. A task that is not easy for many of us. Words are difficult to find and in the trying, we sometimes hurt the person they are meant to serve. This type of grieving and pain deserves a strong shoulder and an open ear more than a pearl of wisdom. To my friend, I wish peace in the days ahead and may the wound in your heart grow smaller and smaller as the world around you continues on. Take your time to heal, no need to rush for those who might yearn for your immediate happiness…it will come in time. Just wake up each morning, get out of bed, and make it through the day. Days will turn to years and new memories will prove that you can make it without the warm, soft, loving gaze of the sweetest woman you’ve ever known.