Divorce Diaries, Log #3 - The Confession

Most marriages have some challenges over a period of time, but mine seemed to be riddled with loss and suffering from the start. Still, I always thought that we would persevere. I thought our problems were normal problems. I thought we would have time to work things out eventually, but my husband began to disconnect himself from me and our problems before I had a chance of stopping the irrevocable erosion that doomed the marriage.

I didn't realize the extent of his true frustration with the marriage until we went away for our last family vacation to Phoenix, AZ. I knew that he was not happy, he wasn't talking to me the way he used to, he began working late every night, he was more judgmental of my decisions, he looked worn down and tired all the time. He started to do things on his own, like taking trips by himself to beautiful places, and over exercising, biking, running. He was more argumentative at home and seemed overly stressed about little things. I was preoccupied with the kids and the family member living with us at the time who was battling her addiction and draining me of my energy. Still, I thought it was a phase in our marriage that we would work through, but ultimately, I was wrong. It wasn't a phase. He was unhappy.

2011-Phoenix, AZ, Last family vacation

We arrived in Phoenix, AZ and on the first day of the vacation, I noticed that he seemed absent emotionally. After a day of hiking and the pool, we started to get ready for dinner. I got the kids settled and watching television in the hotel. I jumped in the shower and told my husband to join me. He did. We stood there in the shower like we had so many times before, but something was different. I looked at him and asked, "What is it, Honey? What's wrong." He hesitated, and standing their in our most vulnerable states with my babies (ages 5, 6, 7) in the other room, he replied, "I just don't think I am in love with you anymore." For a split second, I thought I didn't hear him correctly, so I asked him to repeat what he said. And he did. I was in shock. I was not expecting that answer. I asked him to leave the shower, and as he walked out of the bathroom, I crumbled, heart broken, crying, shattered. My life was about to change forever...and I knew it.